it is true.

and it is official.

i am in the process of opening my own studio and shop.

near my home.

and close to my kids' schools.

it's kinda a big deal.

(doing a bit of demolition to an old dressing room)

i now own a business.

(demo half done. almost.)

and i have a j.o.b.

(second dressing room. gone. now putting up wall to make last one into fabric storage)

i am terrified and giddy, all at once.

(starting to move in)

i'm in the eye of a storm: the cleaning, moving, organizing, preparing, website building, logo designing, bank account opening, sign securing, lease signing, etc. i know this is the grinding work of getting to opening day and that it wont continue to be this intense and daunting 24/7.

and i am trying to enjoy a bit of it as i go.

(sooooo much to do!)

after the first whole day of moving and cleaning i sat in a comfy chair, in the almost dark, twilight, quiet shop, by myself, and cracked a cold beer(there was no Sophia on hand, Erin and Natasha!), and sat back and thought:

i think this will be ok.

i think i can handle the emotional roller coaster.

i think i can handle how vulnerable this makes me feel.

i think i can manage to let go a bit, just a bit, of the perfectionism and control-freakness that binds me up.

i think it's alright that, in this moment, i can switch from deep deep gratitude, peaceful serenity and utter enoughness, to big wet salty tears, deep doubt and unworthiness and stone cold fear.

i think all this means i am alive.

and i do believe it's a privilege to get to feel it all. all of it. hard and easy. light and heavy. rough and smooth.