Practice over Paralysis

this little blog of mine, i’m gonna let it shine.

paralysis.  it wrapped its sticky, long, binding, curling tentacles around me.  constricted my voice, filled my head full of doubt, turned my writing fingers to stone.  as each day ticked by since my last blog post It made the effort seem too epic and the void too astronomical, the gap in time too wide to leap gracefully back across. 

well today is the day i kick paralysis’s ass, with practice.  i’m back.  the tentacles have been weakened, released, returned to their rightful owner.   this is the longest i've gone without blogging. so I’ll tell you some of what’s been going on and coming up. 

i spent november making up a storm for the Maker’s Market i was preparing for at the beginning of december.  then i went to Mexico for 3 weeks. here are some photos i love from that trip:

 whale, swim with me whale, we will go far, into the sea

whale, swim with me whale, we will go far, into the sea

 she surfs

she surfs

 love steps right up

love steps right up

 solstice sunset selfie

solstice sunset selfie

 Guadalupe altar

Guadalupe altar

 41st birthday plunge

41st birthday plunge

in Mexico i had time to write, by hand, and read 4 books.  i devoured two Rebecca Solnit books and it stimulated some reflection, thank the Goddess.  mostly questions.  which I will try to articulate here so we all have something to chew on…

have you ever had the experience of having a long held wish suddenly and unexpectedly granted?  

what do you do, how do you respond?  does the abruptness startle you?  do you get confused, back down, back up, give up?  are you an automatic Yes?   is it a landmark or a dividing point?  is the voice of caution, duty, fear, appeasement or danger in your head?

does your adventurous streak go limp or get a boner? 

what’s your reflex, you impulse? have you turned down adventure for duty, safety, thrift or security?  have you reflexively dismissed or declined a wish come true and felt wistful, grieving or mourning that choice? 

do you surround yourself with beacons, people who light the way, go before you, that you can emulate, take inspiration from, follow in their steps? 

who is watching when you make these choices; say the Yes or No, to unexpected granted wishes? your kids, peers, parents, partners?  who is soaking it in, being tutored by your choices, taking cues on and internalizing how to respond when their own wishes are granted?  

stick with me…

how often do you choose the unknown? how often do you turn down a chance to live or be wild?

do you know yourself?  do you think you do? do you think it’s dangerous to not know yourself? what of your inner landscape?  do you suffer?  or hide from yourself through dissociation or projection, deceptions or justifications?

have you ever considered a wish granted as an intervention? a rescue? saving you from an arduous time?  a key to a prison door, a raft in a shipwreck?

granted wishes are doorways, portals, to adventure and possibility. 

you can step into the unknown, the wild, through a door you make of the word YES. 

i am practicing this as a small chunk of long held wishes are suddenly and unexpectedly being granted.  even practice takes practice.  

are you familiar with the term *wish granting jewel* or *wish fulfilling jewel* or the idea of a *philosopher’s stone*?   they are” jewels or substances” that have the power to produce whatever one desires: perfection, enlightenment, heavenly bliss and beyond.  they are metaphors for our minds. 

as i am my own anam cara, i am also my own wish fulfilling/granting jewel and philosopher’s stone. 

the power is within me to manifest and produce whatever i desire.  this is not at the cost of others but in fact in alignment to reflect and amplify other’s abilities to be their own jewels and stones.  to mineralize their own deep empowerment.  to become their own beloved. 

this is how i become my own jewel, how you can too:

1. A Practice of Permission. to want what i want and to allow myself the ability to go after it.  to let myself be capable, to belonging to myself, to not be perfect, to be a student.  i no longer withhold from myself.   i say Yes to myself to make room for possibility, adventure and wildness.

2. A Practice of Release and Shed. i examine shadow, deal with it, and move on.  no dwelling.  no regrets.  no clinging.  i am human.  and shedding/releasing makes room for more goodness.

3. A Practice of Curiosity and Observation.  i watch carefully for the teachable moments, the occasions that school me, comfortable or not, and be curious about them rather than judgmental, closed or shut against them.   i don’t know everything.  i’m still human. 

4. A Practice of Attention and Tracking.  Spirituality, Nature, Art and Community.  where am i in these?  too much too little?  if one is far out of alignment it is likely i am demineralizing! and then it’s time to tug on some threads. 

5. A Practice of Make-to-Mend.  daily attention to the creative self-expression of my fullness as a means to empowerment and healing.  it’s ceremony, ritual and prayer to energetically activate my well-being.  it keeps me alive and some would argue sane. 

so this is my off the cuff list.  by no means exhaustive and official but a rough sketch.  an outline of what I try to keep in mind and practice. practice over perfection. practice over paralysis. practice and process.  

it allows me to be my own jewel.  it lets me shine.  and be solid, semi-precious.