10 Notices. Ten.

1. he (re)compound fractured his left wrist, again, skateboarding, and the plate and pins they put in last time looked like they were going to pop through his skin. surgery friday.

2. went straight from the ER to my house to shove random inappropriate clothing in a bag, and rushed to the airport for my flight to Ottawa.  made it. 

3. Golden Lake, our cabin, hot sun, old friends.

4. Orphan Wisdom School is another epic gift i allowed myself during my divorce.  thank goddess i said YES.

5. this man, these people, this land, these teachings, this time, these offerings. 

6. let it be known i have never paid to nor chosen to proverbially sit at the feet of man, until Stephen Jenkinson came along. it was the right choice. holy holy. 

7. suffering is a skill and we are are numbing out to it. its part of the deal of being human. let me suffer. 

8." the wild is not a petting zoo for the human soul"

9. if the wild rose up in defense of itself and destroyed everything that compromises it, would we consider it humane?

10. orphan wisdom school forensic audit method. word. 

10 Notices. Nine.

1. i'm apparently not able to make these notices a daily practice like i'd hoped but instead of beat myself up over it, i'm going to show up to it as i can and let that be enough.  thank you. 

2. all the wood for heating my house next winter was delivered and is now stacked in the woodshed. makes me feel like a badassmuthafucker.

3. i'm critical, bossy, demanding, accusatory, and a total basic bitch. it's a problem. gonna get right on it. i want to love myself even more. 

4. Gus and i went today, on Mother's Day, to get tattoos for his 23rd birthday. He got the eagle and i got the candle. Kirsten showed up and Gus took both of us to lunch for mother's day. Which made her tear up, then me tear up. So sweet. So good. and returned home to the gift of a climbing orange colored rose from jasper. swoon. my boys. 

5. Fever Dreams are kinda off the charts right now. like, download central, creative ideas going bananas. so much possibility. but which thread, which to tug on?

6. another olive branch. pleasepleaseplease. nope. what a tool. 

7. keeping our distance, turning inward. creating space for break down and dissonance. leaning toward myself, for myself. i am for myself. i want all of me. 

8. nude sun bath while no one is home, before school is out for the summer. my front deck is falling apart but its one of my favorite spots here. 

9. leaving for Orphan Wisdom School tomorrow, for our third of four gatherings. going in deep, saturated and sublime. i will be a different person on monday. 

10. my first podcast interview with Daphne on The Creativity Habit.  all the feels and lots of healing tears to hear me tell parts of my story. grateful.

10 Notices. Eight.

1. his surgery lasted over 7 hours and now he needs to heal so they can begin chemo. and then they still need to deal with the throat cancer that came back. fucking cancer. 

2. my mom asked me to stay the night with her in her hotel. we ate creamy sugar pea carbonara and briny puttanesca over homemade noodles and shared a bottle of wine at Bizarro. 

3. "Don't you think we should go back to the hotel room, get comfy and drink whiskey?" she said. 

4. we talk until 2am and pass out. when dad calls at 7am, she answers, talks, then falls back asleep. we both do. 

5. we awake at 9, don't shower, and go over to the hospital. the hospital is full of great art and i find myself entirely grateful for that fact. 

6. we do a couple laps with him and his walker and everyone is being so friendly, not weirdly, just nicely, and i notice it. 

7. yesterday an entire shelving situation very suddenly detached from my kitchen wall and came crashing down, breaking a ton of my favorite glass and ceramic kitchen tools and talismans that had been displayed and housed within for a very long time. it just all of a sudden decides to jump off the wall. wtf. total disastrous mess with tiny shards of glass ev.er.y.where. and a tea and flower water and computer combo that was no good. detach, unfold, release, expand. repeat. 

8. clay Mother Mary rattles.

9. hawthorn. the sweet smell of death and decay. ancestral. of the heart. jasper's totem tree, his middle name, 3 planted in our yard. she marks mother's day each year and gives good medicine. she loves people and she grows where they invite her, found in old hedgerows and hollers. thank you hawthorn. we love you. 

10. i'm kinda trying to ignore the download, the one skirting the edges, skulking in my periphery, almost fully formed but not necessarily attentionable. what if we wanted to try it? what would it take? how do you crunch numbers on something like that? how do you get the gig? 

10 Notices. Seven.

1. 6:30am yoga. not enough sleep but i go anyway.

2. 6:30am ecstatic dance starts next tuesday. seriously. i'm going. 

3. a long rare phone convo felt delicious and affirming.

4. birthing more bee rattles and using rosewater in my spritzer bottle.

5. teenage angst is testing my patience. deep breaths. 

6. two food items i can't get enough of right now: lemon tahini dressing on everything and basil pesto on rice ramen noodles. 

7. i need to remember to run this business idea by her. it could be a goodie. 

8. surgery took about 6 hours but he is in recovery now and once they got his pain managed, he was doing good. the surgeons feel great about it. best news ever. 

9. i laid the huge map of southern france out across my bed and put little sticky notes next to all the places i've listed in my notes, places to possibly visit that i've discovered in my own research or recommendations from others. narrowing down where to stay near or on the côte d'azur. its hard to choose and makes me wish i could stay 3 months instead of one. 

10. noticing where my white fragility gets bruised. examining what my beliefs area around shame being used as a transformational tool, wether i buy in or not. wishing all women could band together and commit to always uplifting all women. maybe naive but still a wish.  

10 Notices. Six.

1. watched a movie about eastern indian arranged marriage last night and am also listening to padma lakshmi's book called Love, Loss and What We Ate.  love these glimpses into indian culture and it makes me long for Varanasi, specifically. oh India, i miss you. 

2. we were supposed to leave the cabin by noon but it was the perfect weather for a walk so we wandered to the beach and visited devils club, bleeding hearts, forget me not and maiden hair fern along the way. 

3. our cabin is off a two lane highway that goes over a major mountain pass. summer traffic has started and because we didn't leave the cabin by noon, we crawled down the mountain like unseasoned tourists. 

4. we stopped at the barn again, one of his clients family land and structures that are being bulldozed for a school building project. every time we go back, we find more treasures. this time loads of amethyst and quartz crystals from their rock hounding days. 

5. i wish we could take the barn apart piece by piece and rebuild it somewhere secluded and private into a house/studio combo. 

6. he loves to cook and he made us a chop salad with bacon, salami, chick peas, avocado, tomatoes, and parm with a lemon tahini dressing. i die. 

7. he volunteered to mow my entire huge massive ridiculous lawn for me while i went to visit my beloved bonus dad. 

8. when he can eat ice cream before bed again every single night, like he has since (and i'm certain before) he married my mom when i was 13, everything will be back to normal. fuck.

9. i hugged and kissed him. he cried. i listened. reflected. then cried on the way home. fuck.

10. a shower. butter popcorn for dinner. janelle monáe loud. 

10 Notices. Five.

1. the constant sound of rushing river water lulls me. it's hypnotic and soothing. 

2. steel cut oats with cacao nibs, nuts and seeds, and fresh berries. could be dessert. 

3. in bed til almost noon. its what happens at the cabin. more liminal. less linear. 

4. weeding, culling, sorting, composting, dumping. mother nature never stops trying to reclaim what's hers.

5. the lilacs up here are still in tight buds. i hope i don't miss their bloom. 

6. i'm going to live in the south of france for a month this summer. and i am playing enny meeny miny moe with where to seek shelter for a 5-10 day stretch on the mediterranean coast: Languedoc, Provence, Côte d'Azur areas. i wish i knew of a sleepy little village that i could tuck into.

7. i'll see my bonus dad tomorrow, the day before his pancreatic cancer surgery. i know i'm holding my breath a little. waiting to exhale. 

8. we found a potato bug crawling along the wall by the bed and they said don't kill it and then they took it outside to release it. do no harm. 

9. one of the top five best things about staying at the cabin: sleeping naked.

10. the cabin is a magic portal. during my divorce i received so much healing in spending time here and every time i had to leave i sobbed. i no longer sob when i leave but i do go away feeling healed and more whole. time in nature, escaped from the rat race, is the best. 

10 Notices. Four.

1. bowls of electric purple violets. for sheer beauty and medicine making. 

2. fried chicken and rice noodle ramen and basil pesto and sun-dried tomatoes and shaved parm. salty food orgasm.

3. i swear the bind weed grows a foot a day. fuckers. 

4. he gave him the 1995 grateful dead t-shirt for his 23rd birthday. the shirt from the show he was at when he was two weeks old. what a long strange trip its been. 

5. two nights at the cabin. cold enough for a fire. raging river background music. mountains.

6. hands in clay, listening to podcasts, humming bird grandmother zipping in to check on me.  this is just my life now. 

7. its her 80th birthday soon and i'm trying to fly to montana to be with her. i wish i may, i wish i might. 

8. cancer...who are you and what do you want? i'd like to say go fuck yourself but really i want to know, who are you, what are you , and why... what do you want us to be attentionable too?

9. 6:30am ecstatic dance tuesdays. dance me to the end of love. 

10. he stopped paying child support again. no rhyme or reason. and i will still pay the mortgage and buy groceries and be the chauffeur. like we do. who run the world? girls.  

10 Notices. Three.

1. fell asleep writing out my ten notices from yesterday, last night. so i'm showing up now to keep noticing and going my own way.

2. picking violets and bouquets of wild flowers while on a buy, because beauty hunting is contagious.

3. that Vincent School House is pretty much my dream house. i wonder what compels me to want to live in an old school house? maybe the huge windows all around. 

4. what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine. always and forever.

5. his surgery is monday to remove the tumor from his pancreas. we all have all the feels.

6. like mother like son. first walls, then vulnerability. sorry not sorry. 

7. its ok to bust through the toxic masculinity you've been straddled with. it makes you strong, not weak. 

8. berry crumble for dinner.

9. watering seeds and marveling at the fact that all the plant needs to become itself is all contained in these tiny seeds. its fascinating.

10. vivid dreams and less sweating. still no blood. 

10 Notices. Two.

1. 6:30am yoga monday, wednesday, and friday. if i'm home, i'm there. 

2. washing antique insulators in the sun, in my bikini, while my shoulders burn.

3. the bees are happy. i am happy. 

4. it was Beltane and it was consecrated. 

5. i stole the lilacs and i don't feel bad, i feel liberated, and so do they. 

6. Paris shelter is secured. 5 weeks in France. who do i think i am? 

7. digging through boxes in the basement and barn of a "buy". finding all the things. 

8. the palomino. want.

9. his driving. i'm chaperoned. and its not relaxing. 

10. another buy first thing in the morning and we get to drive by the Vincent School House again. but not with cookies, but maybe with yerba mate. 
 

10 Notices. One

1. i can build whatever i want. even a house. 

2. peanut butter cookie and yerba mate while driving past the Vincent School House.  Gotta get inside there.

3. by noon i was raw and weepy. re-entry is tough shit. 

4. fever dreams collective was off the charts. it was a million times better than i expected. and i expected it to be really fucking good. the women. oh, the women. i love them so much. 

5. they both make lists every single day and with their encouragement, i'm trying it. look out. 

6. he wants babies, and horses. i die.

7. unpacking to pack again in two weeks. who do i think i am? 

8. janelle monae. hot.

9. bees, gardening, pottery, groceries, skate park, driving school. we have things to do tomorrow.

10.  the wet spot dried. 

Two Witches Crafting: jennette & lindsay

TWO WITCHES CRAFTING: JENNETTE & LINDSAY

 alchemizing the mystery of *two witches crafting* ...see offerings tab!

alchemizing the mystery of *two witches crafting* ...see offerings tab!

 

*our spirit story = it’s a both/and world, sisters* 

within the auric field of a sun drenched clearing lined with 13 monolithic river stones, deep within a dark luscious evergreen rainforest portal of the pacific northwest, dripping with velvet moss and enveloped in mist, lived two venerable earth witches, one with yarrow in her braids and her loyal dog by her side, the other with mugwort in her dreads and her adoring cat beneath her bare feet. these were wise women they say, who had embraced many long illustrious decades as ethereal yet grounded sentient beings full of love and forgiveness.

side by side in their hand hewed, cedar shingled, tin roof cottages, with a massively overflowing medicine garden of shimmering orchards, high vibration food grown from last years heirloom seeds, hundreds of healing herbs and explosions of vibrant fragrant flowers between them, these two cackly elders were blissfully living out the rest of their days in active peace and conscious inter-dependence with each other, the pulsating land, the ancient stone people, the flourishing and tenacious plant nations and the highly attuned wild animals surrounding them ever so benevolently.  

as they milked their goats for cheese and soap making, fermented their veggies in great stoneware crocks for kimchee and kraut, tended their sweet honeybee filled apiary, collected pastel-hued chicken eggs among the ferns, brain tanned bow hunted hides, wove baskets from wild foraged flora, fauna and gnarly roots, mended their skirts and overalls, painted their totemic visions, collected pottery clay creekside, mixed batch after bowl of botanical teas and talismans, and roamed the hills and hollows to refill their apothecary, they reminisced about all the good ol’ high times they’d had in the past, cultivating creative collaboration, with a mischievous twinkle in their sparkly wrinkle surrounded eyes. 

they giggle-snorted and guffawed heartily recalling that the collaborative culture and reciprocal trust of their creative collusions of long ago began with a mutual understanding, respect and awe for one another’s innate and refined gifts, each desiring to bestow both the diversity and the continuity of their distinct skills in intentionally evocative and untamed myth-streams, song-lines and cosmic dream-time fables and folklores, all honed within the framework of raising families and doing their esoteric soul work, while recognizing full well that the vibration of their individual hand-making was as well a collaboration between Goddess/Spirit/Great Mystery and themselves.  

they recollected in hushed whispers of awe, the pooling of their collective perceptions,the bridge of commitment and the expanse of vision that aligned them many moons previous in brewing their veiled-in-secrecy but oh-so-delicious #twowitchescrafting seasonal offerings: to provide rich witchy nourishment, maverick heart thumping beauty, rampant pleasurable restoration, copious unfettered joy, and lavish hand picked inspiration, all conjured through the potential of a wild, strange, mysterious, transformative alchemy that only they and Spirit could summon, spark and dispense each burgeoning season. 

they never forgot their tender muse-inspired beginnings, where they grew from, who supported, buoyed and kept them spiritually tethered, how they were generously held, and the beauty of the ebb and flow. they always remembered. and so the story goes….

curious? we are too. it was precisely intentional and full of our love for magic and mystery that we’ve been dropping hints (#twowitchescrafting on instagram) about what will begin in the East this Spring, when the equilibrium of light and dark at the Spring Equinox is at hand, when inspiration, rebirth and new beginnings abound. we’ve wanted to excite your active imagination with what perfectly peculiar and fantastically odd invitation we might make to you, our trusted and trusting dearies. we are exploring together, calling on you, our enchanted allies and exquisitely subversive friends, what a kept-mostly-secret spectacular seasonal offering: spring equinox, summer solstice, autumnal equinox, winter solstice, might activate and amplify as, season to season. 

in keeping with bending assumptions, reciprocated mystery and our love of divine ambiguity, we will not be revealing the exact package contents on our VERY LIMITED EDITION curated boxes but you can expect distinctive, one of a kind, hand made and found objects from each of us. for jennette’s part, among other bespoke treasures and surprises, you can expect an exclusive piece of pottery, not to be released or sold at any other time, which will be unique and special to each seasonal invitation and never exactly duplicated. for lindsay’s part you might anticipate small batch hand blended teas, elixirs, honeys and uncommon accoutrements to tantalize your senses. your box will be gorgeously and generously packaged by lindsayso as usual you can expect excellence, allure and delight in the ambrosial unwrapping experience ahead of you. of course, it’s your call, but do know that you can purchase one season or opt in each time as we envision the pieces, both the pottery and the other remarkable regalia and paraphernalia, fitting together in a way that creates a story, as well as a set of utensils, tools and findings, centering on tea witchery, ritual, herbs, elements, honey and enchantment. 

 gathering together the wild and the strange...

gathering together the wild and the strange...

on sale date will be on the Spring Equinox, Sunday March 20th, at 9am pst on lindsay's website!   

List price: $145 to include shipping and handling

we are humbled and grateful to be surrounded by such a loving and generous community.  thank you! 

Walking Toward the Mountain

Hello Sweet Friends

* I will go to a marriage with the owls and the vultures and the juniper trees and the rocks and I’ll not return, though some echo of my body will walk among you *

I am heading south east toward central Oregon right now, sitting in the backseat, stringing tiny rosebuds in long strands of Beauty. My Vision Quest is underway. From Tuesday to Saturday I will be out on the mountain, in nature, alone, with the clothes on my back and two wool blankets to keep me through the nights. I will be praying in my altar, 5 seven foot tall willow poles I harvested planted in the ground surrounding me, my 784 prayer ties strung across the tops, holding me in sacred space while I sing and dance my prayers to Spirit and Great Mystery. It’s really happening now, after 9 months of preparations, teachings, prayers and surrender. It’s time.  

I’ve been sleeping outside most nights since mid May, acclimating myself to the glorious wonders of night out of doors.  We were instructed to start out making ourselves as comfortable as possible. I set up the bed frame inherited from my granny on our little dark woods stage, where we usually hold concerts during the long days of summer, and popped up a canopy for bird poop protection. I went all out, full throttle cush! I slept on my big sheep skin, covered in a down comforter, quilts and wool blankets, favorite pillows to prop my head. There are groups of candles on nightstands and rugs laid to pad our feet. It’s a sweet set up. But more recently Ive had to ween myself from that stellar situation and get myself used to what I am truly in for: 4 nights of sleeping on a bed of cedar, on the ground, with two wool blankets to comfort me.  I’m not too concerned about it, even though its not my norm. It’s only 4 nights and I wont be sleeping much anyhow, as per the phenomena of sleep being tied to digestion and since I won’t be digesting, I wont need to sleep. I can do 4 nights. Thats not the part that concerns me.  

I’m going to be vulnerable here and tell you what does concern me, where my fear creeps in and clouds my trust in Spirit, where I waver, where I wobble. It’s around reintegration after this Epic Quest.  How will I, what if I can’t, when will I know, where will I go, why does it concern me, who will I be? 

Have you ever read Hedgespoken Tom’s work on Coyopa? I’ve long loved his work.Sometimes A Wild God is a long time favorite and a quest sister just shared his Nettle-Eater with me. Like, whoa.  All in good time.  

Nettle-Eater is so beautifully compelling and spot on for me in this moment. It boldly addresses my greatest fear on the other side of the is quest and soothes its edges to a soft glow. The fear, that I might become so blessed out, so cracked open, or otherwise unraveled out there, that I might not be able to rejoin civilization, might not be able to come back and live low I’ve lived, might not be able to to be “normal enough” within the confines of the culture and society we reside in, is what has been so present during this long walk, all this time.  

Reintegration is what scares the ever lovin shit out of me. Not the dark, not the wild animals, not the no eating/drinking, not the being alone.  It’s having to come back, not being able to fully feralize, not having the skills or tools to fit myself back into the box I’ve left behind and have to come back and squeeze into. How will I survive the daily grind afterwards?  Will Spirit hold my hand? 

Another quest sister who is going out for her third time in nine years shared with me that she can't wait to get out there, that this intense prep stuff is the hardest part, that she looks at her mountain altar as a spa. It was such a gift to have her share this with me and I’ve been holding this vision, of my altar out there being a space of restoration and remembering…re-wilding… my version of a spa. But she said nothing of the return, the coming back, the blending back in that will need to happen. Will I be able to access my altar held self upon my return? Will I be unrecognizable? Will I be able to settle myself back in, meld, merge, intermingle? My mentor, Sweet Medicine Nation, assures me I will go back to my bad habits and old ways in short time upon my return, to not fear being alchemized and transmuted so hardily that I won't find comfort and community in this strange world. I suppose that’s its own kind of solace and I’m holding on to her cheeky advice, letting it nestle in where spirit meets bone.  

*I am looking at the world beyond my door and my life is on fire.  I am running, diving in, though surely it means death. I am seeking something unknown, unknowable.  I know the names of it but the beast itself roams out beyond the edges and in the deep center of things. *

As ever, I am living in the questions, these among many others. I imagine they will persist on the other side of this grand adventure, while the answers I seek will be revealed in right time.  All in right time, all in right time.  

In other news:

(if you'd like to get info every new moon on my offerings, whereabouts and transgressions, sign up for my newsletter by clicking the banner at the bottom of the home page on my website at jennettenielsen.com)

We have just 4 spots left for our upcoming fall Wild Roots Sacred Wings retreat in Ojai, California. Last year we sold out well ahead of time and this will be the last retreat we host in Ojai for the foreseeable future so now is your chance to gather with us in this magical spot. We have sisters returning to coven with us and we want you there too. Come along, dear one, there is a spot for you in our dreamscape, song-line, myth-time adventure.

Hey, did you know Erin Faith Allen included me in her Art Maker Soul Shaker film series? She did, it’s true. If you haven’t had a chance to view Erin’s series of short films you can rent or buy them here. Each of them have been unique and incredible, giving us an inside peek into creative womens’ work and process. Very inspiring and a visual feast, easy on the eyes! There are more to come in the series too, so keep checking back there for updates.  

I will be vending at the Tolt Yarn and Wool Summer Maker’s Market on Saturday July 18th in Carnation, Washington, 10-6.  I will have cauldron cups, driftwood handled spoons, vagabond bags, herbal potions, vision pillows, and lots more, including a handful of vintage treasures for you to peruse and purchase.  The other vendors are AMAZING and you’ll want to get their early before I buy all the cool stuff they have! Hope to see you there.

I hope this coming new moon is full of magic and inspiration for you.  Think of me in the dark of the moon, altar held and dreaming on the mountain top. I'll think of you too.  You'll hear from me again at the next new moon, so until then friends, fare thee well.

Bright Blessings from a Nettle-Eater,
xx
jennette

Surprise Treasure Walnut Ornament

this is a quick,  down and dirty little Make-to-Mend DIY on making surprise treasure walnut ornaments.  when we make and give/gift to others, we heal.  it feels good.  we can show our love and care by taking the time to hand make with loving healing intentions.  my kids and i made a lot of these sweet treats when they were small and since i just made one for a dear friend, i thought i would snap a few images and show you how simple, yet sweet, this easy Make-to-Mend craft is.  

 a finished surprise treasure ornament

a finished surprise treasure ornament

English walnuts work best, because they are large and split easily down the side seams of the nut.  you can order them online if you don't have a local source where you live or ask a well connected friend to send/trade you some! 

i always start my Making sessions by smudging myself and my space with white sage, palo santo, or yerba santa, to clear the energy while seducing and welcoming in Mystery, Spirit and the Muse.  i also make my tea, tune in my music or podcast, and sometimes pull a card for insight and guidance.  

here i've used a regular old store bought walnut because i was out of the english variety. i use my nut cracking tools, namely a pick, and i do this part myself if kids are trying to help out, so that i am the only one with a chance of getting stabbed! once you get the nuts cracked open on the nut seam, scoop out the nut meat and set it aside for a snack or eat as you go! 

 surprise treasure for a friend option 1

surprise treasure for a friend option 1

 surprise treasure for a friend option 2

surprise treasure for a friend option 2

 surprise treasure for a friend option 3

surprise treasure for a friend option 3

basically you will want to find any and all tiny miniature treasures that will suit your recipient and fit within the shell.  i like to fill one half of the shell with the loot and leave the other half empty. then i simply find a ribbon or string and make a loop for hanging while tying a square knot that will fit just within the shell when it gets sealed. (see next photo)

 ready for the melted beeswax next...

ready for the melted beeswax next...

now you are ready to seal your walnut with melted beeswax.  i do this by lighting a beeswax candle and, over a paper plate, paper towel, or paper from the recycling, start dripping wax around the edge of the half shell that isn't filled.  i quickly press the empty side to the full side and left it sit a minute.  then i slowly and methodical drip melted wax from the candle all around the outside edge of the shell.  voila!  fini!  

 there will be lots of drips so just be sure to protect your surfaces

there will be lots of drips so just be sure to protect your surfaces

 while the wax is soft you can form it and move it around a bit with your finger or tool

while the wax is soft you can form it and move it around a bit with your finger or tool

 you can scrape off extra wax for a cleaner, sleeker look or leave it a bit rough and natural, how i like it

you can scrape off extra wax for a cleaner, sleeker look or leave it a bit rough and natural, how i like it

 i added this tag to the ornament i made before sending it off to my friend

i added this tag to the ornament i made before sending it off to my friend

so the fun and silly thing is, once you make and gift these, they get cracked back open!  it's like a sweet little surprise package.  a thoughtful small token of love.  my kids and i used to make several before winter solstice, tag them so we knew who they would go to, and then hang them on our tree until it was time to package and send them.  they loved making them for their friends and they also loved when i made them some in secret as well.  these would be a fun way to do advent for your kids or for someone you love, a fun hanukkah or twelfth night celebration gift, and would be fun at the spring equinox and Ostara as well.  

love, sweet love,

xx

jennette

Practice over Paralysis

this little blog of mine, i’m gonna let it shine.

paralysis.  it wrapped its sticky, long, binding, curling tentacles around me.  constricted my voice, filled my head full of doubt, turned my writing fingers to stone.  as each day ticked by since my last blog post It made the effort seem too epic and the void too astronomical, the gap in time too wide to leap gracefully back across. 

well today is the day i kick paralysis’s ass, with practice.  i’m back.  the tentacles have been weakened, released, returned to their rightful owner.   this is the longest i've gone without blogging. so I’ll tell you some of what’s been going on and coming up. 

i spent november making up a storm for the Maker’s Market i was preparing for at the beginning of december.  then i went to Mexico for 3 weeks. here are some photos i love from that trip:

 whale, swim with me whale, we will go far, into the sea

whale, swim with me whale, we will go far, into the sea

 she surfs

she surfs

 love steps right up

love steps right up

 solstice sunset selfie

solstice sunset selfie

 Guadalupe altar

Guadalupe altar

 41st birthday plunge

41st birthday plunge

in Mexico i had time to write, by hand, and read 4 books.  i devoured two Rebecca Solnit books and it stimulated some reflection, thank the Goddess.  mostly questions.  which I will try to articulate here so we all have something to chew on…

have you ever had the experience of having a long held wish suddenly and unexpectedly granted?  

what do you do, how do you respond?  does the abruptness startle you?  do you get confused, back down, back up, give up?  are you an automatic Yes?   is it a landmark or a dividing point?  is the voice of caution, duty, fear, appeasement or danger in your head?

does your adventurous streak go limp or get a boner? 

what’s your reflex, you impulse? have you turned down adventure for duty, safety, thrift or security?  have you reflexively dismissed or declined a wish come true and felt wistful, grieving or mourning that choice? 

do you surround yourself with beacons, people who light the way, go before you, that you can emulate, take inspiration from, follow in their steps? 

who is watching when you make these choices; say the Yes or No, to unexpected granted wishes? your kids, peers, parents, partners?  who is soaking it in, being tutored by your choices, taking cues on and internalizing how to respond when their own wishes are granted?  

stick with me…

how often do you choose the unknown? how often do you turn down a chance to live or be wild?

do you know yourself?  do you think you do? do you think it’s dangerous to not know yourself? what of your inner landscape?  do you suffer?  or hide from yourself through dissociation or projection, deceptions or justifications?

have you ever considered a wish granted as an intervention? a rescue? saving you from an arduous time?  a key to a prison door, a raft in a shipwreck?

granted wishes are doorways, portals, to adventure and possibility. 

you can step into the unknown, the wild, through a door you make of the word YES. 

i am practicing this as a small chunk of long held wishes are suddenly and unexpectedly being granted.  even practice takes practice.  

are you familiar with the term *wish granting jewel* or *wish fulfilling jewel* or the idea of a *philosopher’s stone*?   they are” jewels or substances” that have the power to produce whatever one desires: perfection, enlightenment, heavenly bliss and beyond.  they are metaphors for our minds. 

as i am my own anam cara, i am also my own wish fulfilling/granting jewel and philosopher’s stone. 

the power is within me to manifest and produce whatever i desire.  this is not at the cost of others but in fact in alignment to reflect and amplify other’s abilities to be their own jewels and stones.  to mineralize their own deep empowerment.  to become their own beloved. 

this is how i become my own jewel, how you can too:

1. A Practice of Permission. to want what i want and to allow myself the ability to go after it.  to let myself be capable, to belonging to myself, to not be perfect, to be a student.  i no longer withhold from myself.   i say Yes to myself to make room for possibility, adventure and wildness.

2. A Practice of Release and Shed. i examine shadow, deal with it, and move on.  no dwelling.  no regrets.  no clinging.  i am human.  and shedding/releasing makes room for more goodness.

3. A Practice of Curiosity and Observation.  i watch carefully for the teachable moments, the occasions that school me, comfortable or not, and be curious about them rather than judgmental, closed or shut against them.   i don’t know everything.  i’m still human. 

4. A Practice of Attention and Tracking.  Spirituality, Nature, Art and Community.  where am i in these?  too much too little?  if one is far out of alignment it is likely i am demineralizing! and then it’s time to tug on some threads. 

5. A Practice of Make-to-Mend.  daily attention to the creative self-expression of my fullness as a means to empowerment and healing.  it’s ceremony, ritual and prayer to energetically activate my well-being.  it keeps me alive and some would argue sane. 

so this is my off the cuff list.  by no means exhaustive and official but a rough sketch.  an outline of what I try to keep in mind and practice. practice over perfection. practice over paralysis. practice and process.  

it allows me to be my own jewel.  it lets me shine.  and be solid, semi-precious.   

mi casa de baratijas sagrada

 my home of sacred junk.

you're invited.  please, come in.  take a peek around or let your gaze linger.

(the spectator in me would call for a steaming cup of chocolate pu-erh and a long slow leisurely scroll through the photos...) 

what you'll see is parts of my unedited tousled abode on the day my pilgrimage sister, Katariina Agnes Fagering stopped by for a visit with her camera.  she captured my "real" house, how we live in it daily, how our loot spilleth over, how crammed with our personal significant treasures it is...

you've likely heard me blather on about my love of creating enchanted, bewitched, and spellbinding spaces.  about how our senses are nourished through a sacred visual narrative and about the amplified ethereal vibrancy and pulse lurking in the corners and just under the surface.  about creating expressive ambiance intentionally and deliberately so it is meaningful and revealing.  soulful, strange, ordinary and accessible.  it's creative assemblage with punctuated quirks wherein the collection of evocative objects speak a magical language to one another and exist in harmony. 

this is what i believe.  it's what i tell myself and my clients.  it's what i know to be true.

this is the space where i create my magic, that holds me, womb like, that comforts and consoles me.  this is where i do my make-to-mend practice. where i am reminded that spirit, peace and affluence abound and surround me. it's my space and i share it with you. enjoy.    

 

 

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